/blog

04-01-2020/Triangular Theory of Love: Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment

Triangular Theory of Love: Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment

I realized that fleeting romance hadn’t left me with much, so I aspired to create something lasting that I could share with my wife and family. Then I determined what I had to do to achieve that dream, the resources I would require, and the daily steps that would contribute to the bigger picture. What happened after I made the dream and worked out a plan was nothing short of miraculous. Instead of pining for the affection and comfort of a temporary lover, I was motivated by my future wife and family to dig deep and work hard each day to fulfill my dream. Everything I did after that point made sense because it was part of the bigger picture that I created. All of the sexual desire that I had been channeled creatively into improving myself and making my ambitions come true.uberhorny space coast After I discovered the power of dreams, I realized that all of my previous relationships had distracted me from the responsibility of fulfilling the dream I had yet to envision. The best thing that ever happened to me was a hard break up because it gave me room to discover my dreams. After I made it my business to create the life I desired, I came to know more and more about the man inside of me. As opposed to dumping all of my sexual energy into dead-end relationships, I channeled that energy into the adventure of self-discovery. Now I not seek fulfillment in other’s bodies because I know it isn’t there.

Now I am not looking for the perfect woman because I am far too busy being the right man. My worst break-up gave me the opportunity to be my personal man and to live my dreams. If you aspire for greater fulfillment and lasting intimacy with a romantic partner, you can also turn your last break-up into the best thing that ever happened to you, but you’ll need a dream and a plan to make it happen. 5 tips to make it happen 1-Journal If you don’t know your own self deeply and intimately, you can’t share intimacy with anyone else. You can feel good exchanging chemicals for a time, but if you don’t have intimacy to regenerate those chemicals, the feelings will fade like every other broken relationship. So get to know yourself through journaling; you’re worth getting to know better. Make it a daily habit by spending 15-30 minutes alone with your thoughts at the beginning of each morning or at the end of each day. As opposed to relying on external inputs to determine your day, journaling allows you to determine your wants and needs internally. When you wake up there is a strong impulse to check your message and emails: deny that urge.

When your day is determined by what is inside of you as opposed to external cues, like emails or social media, you have the power. Our lives are the sum total of our thoughts, so it pays to know your thoughts profoundly through journaling. Write down your hopes and dreams, how you responded to others, what you want to accomplish, what thoughts have been working, what thoughts haven’t, what kind of person you want to be, who you’ve admired, and all of the little things that go up to make your important life. 2-Meditate Meditation is similar to journaling in that you are making time to know yourself better. But instead of monitoring your thoughts, meditating helps you to generate new thoughts that benefit your growth. It also helps you to uncover old thoughts that have been sabotaging your progress. As an example, I first started meditating on affirmations. I chose what sort of career I wanted and what sort of man I wanted to be, and then I would guide myself to feel those emotions and embody that reality. During this process I uncovered little negative thoughts that had been so common in my inner dialogue that they blended into the background, unnoticed by my conscious mind. After my meditation sessions I would journal the progress I made to keep track of what worked and what didn’t. Meditation and journaling go together like peas and carrots. Another way to meditate is to set an intention and then let your mind run free.

Any time your mind wanders to a worry or a to-do item, bring your attention back to your breath. Important intention-based meditations for me have been uncovering my deepest goals and dreams in family, in my career, and in my personal life. Meditation was especially important for me to see how my actions in previous relationships were destructive. It also allows me to observe my actions in a non-judgmental way, which helps me to be realistic about what is working and what isn’t. 3-Commit to your goals It doesn’t matter how silly or small you imagine your goals are, the act of visualizing, planning, following through and committing will help you prepare to tackle your greatest dreams. My initial goals ended up not being my main dreams. It took committing to a series of smaller goals over the course of months to find enough about myself to determine the main dreams.

Sex & The Single Dad – Hacking App Dating

As you commit to your plans and follow through with them without excuses, you will automatically be directed to your innermost truth. I started my writing career by planning a small business that sold fruit smoothies. Fruit smoothies and relationship writing may seem disparate, but in committing to that seemingly silly goal I developed new passions and new insights that I was too curious not to follow through with. Starting with the fruit smoothie shop, I had several small goals that morphed into my dream career over the course of a year. The only reason I arrived at my dream life was by following through with each goal I set. As I progressed I discovered new passions that led me to my innermost truth. 4-Follow Your Passions This one is directly related to committing to your goals.topadultreview.com It doesn’t matter whether you will get an itch to explore 16th century quilt making or reproductive cycles of deep-sea creatures: explore. The little nudges and tugs on your insides are your innermost truth talking.

You know yourself better than you imagine you do, and when you pay close attention to those tiny, barely perceptible inklings, you start to trust yourself more. As you follow your passions and commit to them, your dreams will be revealed and achieved if only you persist. The more you journal and the more you meditate, the stronger your inner voice will become while the more confident you will feel in chasing the dream. 5-Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you can’t I’ve discovered that the more people laugh or scoff or tell you that you can’t, the greater probability you have of succeeding. My reason for believing this really is that if you have something so true to yourself and so genuinely inspiring, the very idea has others who settle for comfort rising to defend their mediocrity. When others tell you that you can’t, they have been saying, “You think you can be better than average? Dream on!!” They say this because your big dream makes them feel guilty for giving up on their own.They don’t realize it though because that defensive process is driven by subconscious thinking. If they were conscious about the process, they’d respond positively. So as opposed to becoming discouraged by the voices of magpies, let them be inspiration for your success! Every time I hear someone tell me I can’t, I am motivated to stretch my limits.I am encouraged by their fear-based responses because my progress makes them uncomfortable.

Bottom Line You can use your breakup as an opportunity to regret your current station in life, or, you can seize the opportunity to create the life you want to live. I chose to be a victim of my worst breakup for over a year and it was easily the worst year of my life. But looking back, I’m thankful for the opportunity to know myself better and to be the right man. I don’t know who my wife will be, but I know after taking full responsibility for my last breakup, I’ll be proud to give her the man I have chosen to become. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook13Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: breakups, intimacy, planning, sexual desire And then…This whole fucking thing; this has affected me in a lot of ways, it’s hard to see straight. I’ve hurt so many and been hurst, also, by so many people. I couldn’t trust anyone; I made people believe in futures that never really existed. I’ve been lying to the world, I feel. I just want it to stop. I just want it all to end so that I’m able to rest my mind and let all this shit go, I feel like it’s too much to handle; that my chest will explode and then I stop myself. I stop because there are people that have much shittier things to be concerned about than I do; that there are people that have shit to worry about beyond their control so, because of that I’m just crying piece of shit… I’ve always been harder on myself than anyone. We are our own worst critics. Truer words, my friends… Truer words indeed.If I had answered my ex truthfully that night I would have told her: I don’t want to bring in some child into the world that I’m going to end up fucking up for life; I don’t want another reflection of myself in the world for fucksake. I am ashamed of where I come from and the ugliness that makes it all up; I don’t want to be a disappointment for someone else, nor do I wish to see the faces of the past that still  haunt me… That’s what I would have said… But even that is bull shit.

Because these worries, they’re but insecurities. My ex saw in me something that was greater than all that shit; she saw more in me than I would allow myself to see within me. She believed in what I had abandoned hope in. And I am a broken fool… But, for these words, a more self-aware and stronger fool. And I have her to thank. I don’t ask for sympathy here. I don’t want it; I don’t feel I deserve it. I just want it to be known. The “why” of it all. If I never speak these words to another person, here they remain… Somewhere in this fucked up world on this shitty blog.I’m not alone.

A Letter From the Editor

I’m loved. I’m not perfect. I am, at best, a very broken person… and that’s okay. I’m okay. These things I’ve experienced and endured may in some way define me, but they do not define the course I choose to take. At the end of the day I choose the path i must forge. Me. Regardless of all the shit, it’s always been me at the steering wheel.  This is me and the final say on why I didn’t want children… This also means I’m able to let go of a lot of this shit now and focus on “what’s next.” Because that’s where my mind is now.Now get the fuck out and take your fail with you, you sons of dirty bitches! Pages: 1 2 3 4 5Signup for Our NewsletterGet Us in Your Inbox!Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…Share This ArticleFacebook6Tweet0Pin0Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 Posted in: Self You see these things had colored my view of the world, whether I wanted them to or not. But the story isn’t done…So the Circle Continues…I met a girl at the job. I fell in love with her and got her pregnant. Yes, I actually DO have a kid. The story is complicated.

But the nuts and bolts of it were that we didn’t work and I didn’t know right away that I had a child coming. When I finally did, the mother didn’t want anything to do with me and didn’t want me to be a part of her life… I didn’t really know what to do. Then we went back and forth on visitation, which never happened ( while we were trying to do this out of court). I’d not seen my child, a boy, yet. Not even a photograph. I was working at a music store as a temp employee and she came in with our son to pickup a special order. I rang her up. I was told my face went white. My heart was in my throat because cradled in her arm was this perfect little person. My son. The first time I’d laid eyes on him.

My ex couldn’t stand me and she couldn’t have gotten out of there quickly enough. I had to take some time in the break-room to process what had just happened. What the hell just happened? What was I doing?Eventually we did go to court, visitation have been established. I was a part of my son’s life for only a little while. Only a few of my cousins saw him. Neither my mom, nor my grandparents had seen him… But he was a great little guy. He picked up after himself. He wiped dirt off of his shoes in the park. He had most of his mom’s featured, but my wide eyes and mouth. He was a better reflection of me, I felt. This one had a chance. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing… And I was scared. I was scared that I was going to fuck up and be a shitty, shitty father.

I tried to ignore these feelings, but I couldn’t help it. I remember one morning. He wouldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to call anyone and be “judged” though that was all in my head… No one would have judged me, surely. But I made a decision then, even though I didn’t know it, that I wasn’t going to “be there.” That part I’ve never told anyone. It’s only been written here, in this post. I’ve told people that she’s happily married and didn’t want complications from “the bio” in her life; I’ve said that we didn’t get along and so I stayed away. While it’s true we didn’t get along that’s not why I stayed away. In short, as much animosity as there may have been, she never kept me from my son. I kept me from my son. ME. No one else. Just. Me.

That’s the truth. The biggest loser in all of this is my son.About the only thing I do is pay child support. That’s it. He’s going to be thirteen next month. On the 4th. And… I wonder about him all. The. Time. I wonder what he’s thinking about; I wonder if he even knows about me and in case he does if he despises me; if he even cares… Did he come from a more stable place than I did… If he knew me, would he be proud of me? Would he hate me? I don’t know. All I know is that he’s an innocent fella. He plays clarinet at an academy here, in SoCal. He likes anime and he’s really freaking smart.

And he’s a good-looking kid. I have to give thanks to my cousin for her mad Facebook skills. I’m curious about all of these things, but I don’t feel like I deserve, or have earned the right to find out. How could I feel otherwise, considering, that I’ve done the same thing to him that my father did to me? If I did, what would it mean? This part still fucks with me… Lots. This kid deserves so much awesome and I don’t want to be the person that goes fucking it up… These words are not easy for me to write. They’re not easy because deep down I see myself as this awful person. It’s hard to fight this feeling while knowing that all the power to do something about is right here. Or, by doing nothing, am I ensuring more of similar? I’d like to think that my son is made of better stuff than I am and I believe this to be the case.Pages: 1 2 3 4 5Signup for Our NewsletterGet Us in Your Inbox!Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…Share This ArticleFacebook6Tweet0Pin0Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 Posted in: Self Even when sick, a woman still wants, what a woman wants! — Image Credit http://dailymail.co.uk Evidence of summer could be found both inside and outside my apartment, for it was freaking hot! My poor boyfriend was sick with a fever and head cold, leaving him completely under my control. I had no qualms about serving him tepid water and decongestion pills. I slipped right into the service apron and helped him out as best I could. By day 2, I began feeling my own fever rise, but this was a different form of fever. Typically, I enjoy sex, but the last couple of weeks I hadn’t thought anything of it.

I was preoccupied with family and worried about work, so every night I ended up going to sleep before he even got into bed. We were completely boring, and I can see now that most of it was my fault. You have to know, we don’t even live together…so usually if the weekend comes, we both are ready to, um, you know, hold hands for a really long time. This week was different, however. My pasty boyfriend was forced to stay in bed for hours at a time, while not sleeping. There was something in the air Monday through Friday…did any of you feel it? The change in seasons is what I initially thought. I enjoy summer and the hot weather makes me want to get out of clothes. I woke up two nights in a row and stripped off sick-boy’s sweaty attire. His firm hands and quick moves got my mind twirling like a ballerina en pointe. By the third night, dear boyfriend had had enough of my secret violence and turned on me. He grabbed me and took control of our playtime. I loved every minute (don’t judge, he was sick, there was no ‘hour’ to be had).

Each morning I wondered at my behavior…why was I so attracted to him now? It didn’t make much sense. As the snot rags piled up alongside the window sill and the sheets grew sicklier with too much wear, I couldn’t help but get excited that we’d soon be in bed again. For women, at least myself, I must have the emotional comfort to put the necessary zeal into my sexy time. Because the boy wasn’t feeling well, he ended up staying with me all week and he needed me. Yes, he probably just didn’t have the energy to drive home. But, I prefer to think he chose to be with me, that I made him feel a little bit better while he felt sorry for himself. This thought could entirely be lost on him, but regardless of this possibility, I was feeling secure and happy, so I reciprocated in sexual kind. As Saturday morning neared, his wry expression confronted me.

He asked if I’d heard the commotion the night before. I knew what he was alluding. I ignored his embarrassing comment, kinda blushed, and made no excuses for the past week’s burning behavior. He’s quite the man I secretly admit. High fever, coughing, achy, yet not too sick for sex. This could be my new favorite boyfriend quality, shallow or no. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook6Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Sex Tagged in: Sex, sick sex Now I’m dating myself. The year was 1994, when I graduated high school. I worked as a prep cook at Red Robin. Many of my friends worked so they could have the money for themselves… I worked because I had to. My mom made $4.75 hour at a photography shop in town.

I made $5.75… We both needed to work to have things like electricity and food, yet not much else. We often didn’t have heat. This is how I came from. So it goes.During the early part of the year in 1994 my mom got a letter from a woman stating that she was recently married to my dad. The letter was nice and it stated that my dad was trying to turn his life around and that he wanted to connect with me. My mom asked me if this is what I wanted: to be reunited with my dad. I took some time to think about it. I told my mom that I did. Though all the shitty stories I’d heard about this man; all the shitty things he’s been arrested for and committed against society… I still wanted to know who this person was.

I wanted my dad to be a part of my life. All the times that I said “I didn’t want to know him” just didn’t matter. I wanted to be some dad’s kid. That’s it. That’s all I wanted.I sent a couple of letters back and forth to this lovely lady who would be my step mom. She spoke highly of my father; even proudly, of his battles with his addictions and to become a better person. She was gentle. I wanted to know her also, after even a letter or two, I felt drawn to this person. Then, my father composed me. The very first time I’d ever had words with him and they were scrawled on paper.

We both had shitty penmanship  but I was surprised to see that he was an artist and drew, like myself. He sketched a self-portrait. He envisioned himself with angular features, a beard.